Limited Happiness
by MayBates
Summary: When Anna suffers from a frightening sickness, will she ever get better? Are there friends to be made along this indefinite lengthy road to recovery? Will John be her cane to lean on every step of the way? Anna and John face the truth of their vows, harsh reality, and lives unimaginable as they support each other for richer and for poorer, for better and for worse.
1. Prologue: The Beginning

**Author's Note: I wanted to see how well I could write scenes that contain intense feeling, so bear with me please. This is a bit of a dark, sad story, and it's not very fluffy. I'm experimenting with some new stuff. Ye be warned. I have had this idea and I've been itching to write it. I'm not gonna give away the ending, but you guys are free to PM me your predictions.**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, Downton is not mine. If it was, there would be happy endings and cake for everyone. Even Edith.**

* * *

_**Limited Happiness**_

_**Prologue**_

Anna readied Lady Mary for the big dinner tonight. Mary was pregnant, and told Anna explicitly that she was to look her best when she told everyone. Anna could only smile at this wonderful news. Though Anna was exceedingly tired, she tried her best to make Lady Mary look great. After long days of work, Anna did notice she fatigued easily. Even so, when she woke up in the morning she seemed fighting fit.

Anna now slowly brushed Lady Mary's silky chocolate hair. She did feel exceptionally tired, so tired that she could barely focus on Mary's excited gabbing. But Anna's smile stayed on. She couldn't worry Lady Mary on this joyous occasion. Anna continued to brush her hair. Then, abruptly, the hair brush seemed to tumble out of Anna's small fingers. After the brush hit the floor with a clatter, Anna quickly bent down to grab the now aslant brush. Bending down in such a motion, she felt a harsh jolt of pain in her chest. Her eyes snapped shut as she placed a hand on her aching chest. Anna rubbed it slowly as she grabbed the brush with her other hand. An almost inaudible yelp escaped her as she straightened back up. "My apologies, milady." Anna choked out. Mary stared at her, slightly annoyed.

"It's quite alright…" Mary sighed. Anna resumed to brush as she could feel her heart thumping through her chest. She didn't know why this was happening, but she knew she had to finish dressing Mary. It was then that Anna's breath began to shorten and steepen.

She finished situating Mary in her best dress and started to style her hair. Anna felt as if she wasn't breathing in any air at all. Mary heard her inhalations begin to weaken. "Anna…" Lady Mary began suspiciously. "Are you quite alright?" It was at this time Anna began to panic. She breathed with much difficulty, as if something was obstructing her from taking air in. She looked up helplessly to Mary. Only sickening rough wheezes took place of her empty, unheard words. Mary turned quickly to her. "Anna?" she exclaimed. Her excitement was taken over with fear. "Good God! Sit down!" She helped Anna over to her bedside. "Let me get Mama and Papa! They will call Dr. Clarkson!" Mary, while maintaining composure, she literally scrambled out of the room, ribbons of her untied dress flying behind her.

* * *

A few seconds later, Anna was able to take in at least a small amount of air in small rasps. She gripped onto one of the bed's wooden posts as her short, quick breaths started to lengthen gradually. Anna managed to look up as Mary, Lady Grantham, and Edith entered the room. How Anna hated to worry them like this. She was sure she would be fine. She did occasionally have the sharp chest pains in the past, but not breathing complications like this. "Lord Grantham is getting Bates now." Said Lady Grantham.

"T-thank you." Anna choked out. Mary placed herself next to her. She placed a prim hand on Anna's shoulder.

"How are you feeling now?" Mary asked inquiringly, trying to keep her concern hidden from the others, especially Edith. Anna was about to lie that she felt fine, but then Lord Grantham and Mr. Bates let themselves into the room.

John did notice things were amiss with Anna recently. He asked her over and over again if anything was wrong but with no avail. "Anna, tell me what's wrong." He demanded. He took her petite hand in his very large ones and looked her in the eyes. Anna's eyes were not the deep sapphire blue he was used to seeing, but a distracted, disoriented washed-out blue.

"I honestly don't know." She admitted. What could be wrong with her? Dr. Clarkson then appeared in the doorway.

"Alright everyone." He began in his all-knowing voice. He made his way into the room. "Give her some space." He motioned for the Granthams to leave the room, leaving Anna and John. "Now tell me, what happened here?" he questioned.

"Well… I recall that I fatigue easily when working hard…" Anna gulped. "And it's been a stressful day. For maybe a couple days I've had chest pain when I bend down. I do not really know where this breathing thing came from…" Anna tried to answer as honestly as possible. Dr. Clarkson pondered for a moment. He turned to her with his stethoscope he brought with his bag. He pressed it to her chest and told her to try to breathe normally. John tenderly rubbed her back.

"Well…" the doctor began "It seems your breathing and heartbeats are both irregular. I would advise strongly that you spend a night at the hospital. We could run some tests there. The heart and lungs are not something you fool around with." Dr. Clarkson then turned to her. Anna nodded weakly. John helped her up so he could help her pack a bag. Helping her past the worried Granthams, he nodded at them to say that he would fill them in later. John still couldn't help but wonder what happened to his Anna.

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**Reviews are welcome! What do you think will happen to Anna? More chapters to come!**


	2. The Results

**Author's Note: ****WARNING****- THIS CHAPTER IS SAD AND IT WILL CONTINUE TO BE SAD. YOU CAN STILL TURN BACK TO READ SOME FLUFF. BUT FOR THOSE WHO STAY LOYAL TO THIS STORY, THANK YOU. I'VE HAD THIS IDEA FOR A WHILE AND I HOPE YOU CAN DEAL WITH THE DIRECTION THIS STORY IS GOING. I HOPE YOU DON'T HATE ME OR THE STORY. Now we get to find out what happened to Anna. And what will happen! I've worked on this baby for a while. Don't hate me for this, but I love this chapter. PM me with suggestions and predictions, and you may just get a reply! Hope you keep reading after this big guy. This chapter was more to break the ice than anything else. But I still love this chapter all the same!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Downton Abbey. But, if I did, Cousin Isobel would stay in France for good.**

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_**Limited Happiness**_

_**Chapter one: The Results.**_

Anna felt entirely alone in her lumpy bed at the hospital. She did talk to a nice nurse, but that was as much interaction as she got. The moon cast an eerie light along the floors of the dark room. The whole residence smelled of antiseptic and sickness hung heavy in the air. She flinched as she heard the sickly retching of a man that wasn't too far away from her. Anna gripped her shroud-like blanket. She disliked hospitals. Anna knew it was best she be there, to take the tests Dr. Clarkson intended. He showed her to her bed and established that she would be tested in the morning.

Even so, she didn't like the idea of staying overnight. Anna could barely sleep with the coughs and moans of other patients. She unstiffened though. It wasn't the other patient's fault they were sick. She doubted any of them actually wanted to be there. But all of them wanted to get well again. So there they were.

She turned over in her bed, shut her eyes, and drifted into a restless sleep.

* * *

John lay awake in their cottage. Even though he covered himself with sheets, the bed seemed ice cold. No matter what John did, his mind kept racing back to Anna. _What had happened anyway?_ He wondered. He knew she couldn't breathe, but what could that mean? John's mind raced with terrible imaginings. Fear crept about in the pit of his stomach, itching to tear him apart. He knew he had to keep calm. He ran his fingers through his already mussed hair. "She will be fine." John whispered silently as his eyes slid shut. "She will be _fine_". He tried to convince himself of this. Anna was strong, she could weather anything. He hoped. John swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Surely I am over-thinking this" He muttered, turning over in his bed. But the awful, uneasy feeling he had simply wouldn't leave him. "Everything will seem better in the morning." John did a poor job reassuring himself. Then he thought about poor Anna in the hospital. He knew how much she hated being in the hospital, but was sure she could cope, given her condition.

John knew Anna wouldn't want him to worry, but terrible images formed under the darkness of his eyelids. He felt horrible. Helpless. John wanted with every fiber of his being to make her feel better. John rolled over in his bed, expecting a warm presence right next to him, but his hand only found more icy sheets.

* * *

Anna woke at dawn, used to her work routine. Sitting up gingerly in her sterile hospital bed, she looked around. Most everyone was still sleeping, except for one woman right next to her, who seemed to look almost completely relaxed. The woman was older; Anna guessed mid to late fifties, judging by her silver gray hair that sat in a rather loose bun. She had a large roman nose and, from what it seemed, a big smile. The woman saw Anna and smiled calmly. "Well," She began in a strong voice. "Nice to see another early riser like myself" she gave Anna a toothy grin. Anna smiled nervously. It was strange, but this woman reminded Anna a lot of John's mother. Only to strengthen the case, the woman happened to have a strong Irish accent. "I'm Margaret. Margaret Walters." Margaret held out a hand to Anna from her bed, and Anna politely shook it.

"I'm Anna" she responded. "Anna Bates." She smiled. Anna loved saying that _Bates_ was her last name. Even in the hospital, Anna still thought her last name was as sweet as sugar on her tongue. Margaret nodded to her.

"Now Anna, if you don't mind me askin', what brings you here?" Margaret asked boldly. Anna looked down as she rubbed her fingers along her thin blanket.

"Well" She began timidly. "It seems that last night I had quite a scare. I'm not sure what happened. One second I was fine and the next it almost… almost felt as if I were s-suffocating." Anna winced at the thought of the previous night. "Dr. Clarkson will run some tests today." Anna looked up. "Forgive me if I'm casting a gloom. There are plenty other people here that need more help than I do."

Margaret looked at her. "I'm awfully sorry about that. I do hope you get healthy soon." Anna smiled at this woman's kindness.

"Thank you." Anna replied simply. She pushed aside the golden strands of hair in her face.

"I guess now you're curious about why I'm here, eh?" Margaret continued, not waiting for Anna to answer. "Seems as though I have a weak heart. I went for a checkup; the doctor found something, and here we are. Quite the riveting story, I know." Margaret chuckled. She had earned a weary smile from Anna. "But enough about this medical rubbish, tell me about yourself. I haven't had a normal conversation in ages." Margaret leaned forward. Anna then, seeing her interest, told her about Downton, and Lady Mary.

"Goodness, Downton Abbey." Margaret said, in genuine wonder. "Is it really as fancy as I heard it was?"

"Oh, definitely. I love working there. Everything is so spotless and beautiful, which is more than I can say about our cottage." Anna said.

Margaret had on an amused grin. "Our?" she asked.

"Oh!" Anna realized. "I never told you about my husband, John." She smiled. Anna was beginning to really enjoy this woman's company. "He's also coming to visit around noon, if you'd like to meet him."

"Of course." Margaret replied. Anna hoped Margaret would like John as much as she did. But their time was cut short as a nurse called Anna in for her tests. Anna lifted herself up with only a little difficulty and staggered over to the examination room, left with a sympathetic look from Margaret.

* * *

Dr. Clarkson briskly motioned for Anna to have a seat on his examination table. She obediently did as she was told. He used his stethoscope on her again and received the same conclusion as last night. Dr. Clarkson turned to her. "What I'm going to do, Anna" He began "is take some blood and determine your blood pressure. Is that all right?" He looked questioningly at Anna. She would be lying if she said she wasn't in the least nervous. But Anna put on a brave face and nodded. "Good." Said Dr. Clarkson. "Now, while I do this, I'm going to ask you some questions. All right?" Anna nodded once again. Dr. Clarkson got out a threatening-looking syringe and stuck it swiftly and gently into Anna's arm. As he took blood he looked up gingerly and said "I want to rule out some possibilities. This pain was in the heart and only the heart, correct?" Anna nervously answered yes. "And you had shortness of breath?" Anna answered yes once again. "I want to know…" Began Dr. Clarkson "has any close family member had this experience?" The doctor continued to work as he waited for an answer. Anna thought back. Her uncle had died because of something… she couldn't remember. But she did recall he could never practice cricket with her father because he had weak lungs.

"I can't remember what my uncle died from" Anna thought aloud. "But he did always have lung trouble, maybe some heart trouble as well." She explained.

"Ah" Dr. Clarkson muttered something as he finished taking blood. "Now I understand…" Anna was unsure of what he meant by this. He then told Anna that he would test her blood, so he would have the results once John arrived. He sent Anna out of the room.

* * *

John adjusted his tie as he left Downton for the hospital. Lord Grantham had been kind enough to let him take his half-day today. John made his way down the dirt roads of Downton Village, dodging children who were running about. He was anxious. Anxious for Anna. Anxious to see what he could do to help. As he pushed open the wooden door to the hospital, his stomach twisted uneasily. He then asked a nurse to see Anna. John, accompanied by the soft tap of his cane, looked around the corner and laid eyes on his wife.

Anna didn't see him right away, so he had time to take in her appearance. Her golden hair was in a tight bun, yet locks still seemed to frame her face. She had on a simple white nightgown, like most of the female patients. Small creases were visible under her eyes, which were the same gray-blue as the night before. Anna seemed to be engaged in a conversation with an older woman seated next to her.

She looked up and her face brightened as she saw John watching. Anna said something else to the woman as he roved up to her. "Hello, Mr. Bates" she said with a small but tired smile.

He bent down to bestow a kiss on her cheek and then said with a worried grin "Good day, Mrs. Bates". Anna gestured to the woman next to her.

"This is my friend, Margaret Walters." She said softly, but her voice was under toned with hoarseness. John smiled at this new acquaintance, and politely shook her hand. "Nice to meet you." He put simply.

"You can call me Margaret." She smiled. "So you must be that John I've been hearing all about."

"That would be me." He said, trying as hard as possible to mask his building concern for Anna. Dr. Clarkson then waved them into his office. John tried to analyze his expression, but it was completely unreadable.

* * *

They both sat in front of Dr. Clarkson's broad mahogany desk. The doctor readied his papers as the two sat in anticipation. John placed a careful hand on Anna's shoulder. She rubbed his hand lightly with hers as she nervously tried to fake a smile. Anna's other hand, which sat on her thigh, trembled nervously. Dr. Clarkson then looked back to examine Anna's mental and physical state. _She's developing a tremor._ Dr. Clarkson thought. _That can't be a good sign._ Still, he got ready to present them the news. He broke their uneasy silence. "It is apparent that Anna has chest pain, and along with that, I found that her heart and lungs are weak." John looked at a terrified Anna, and opened his mouth to say something, by Dr. Clarkson raised his hand, silencing him. "I also found her blood pressure to be very high. It seems to be focused in Anna's pulmonary artery. Now, Anna has told me that her uncle had died because of his weak lungs, and possibly a weak heart. You remember that, right Anna?" He asked, making a poor attempt to keep her included. Anna meekly nodded. She tried to keep herself together. Tears seemed to prick her eyes. Anxiety and so much fear from the night before were beginning to set in.

"So, I have come to the conclusion, that this is genetic. I can come to the diagnosis of familial pulmonary arterial hypertension." He stated. "This is a disease that is very common in women, and once the symptoms occur, it is rapidly lethal." John quickly asked questions.

"Is there a known cure?" He asked desperately. _Lethal. _ John's voice wavered as Anna gripped his shoulder, one tear slipping down her face.

"No," Dr. Clarkson replied despondently, but kept his composure. "There is no known cure."

Dr. Clarkson sent Anna back to bed to have a word alone with John. Absolute panic gripped her. John squeezed her hand and she got up unsteadily. When she got to the doorway, Anna looked back to see John, with his imploring eyes watching her leave. She turned and disappeared from the room.

"I'm sorry Mr. Bates." Said Dr. Clarkson. He had never seen a man look so defeated.

"Can we do _anything_? Anything at all?" John asked morosely, he tightened his fist in complete shock and disarray. His question hung heavy in the air as silence settled over them. Dr. Clarkson placed a comforting hand on John's shoulder. He broke the miserable, uneasy silence.

"I'm sorry, nothing can be done. What has started will run its course no matter what we try. It is genetic." Dr. Clarkson stated sadly. He felt dejected. Dr. Clarkson had failed a patient. He attempted to give himself comforting thoughts like _there was absolutely nothing to be done. _But he still felt awful for Anna and Mr. Bates.

"I can tell you the details now, if you're ready." Dr. Clarkson stated somberly.

"Please" John said simply, in an attempt to hide his trepidation. "I-I want to know everything I can." His voice was low.

Dr. Clarkson sighed. He didn't want to overwhelm Mr. Bates with more horrible news. He pushed on anyway. "Now that Anna has had breathing complications, we are… we are nearing the end." John was overcome with a terrible, desolate feeling. _Nearing the end…_

"I'd estimate Anna has at least a week of her life left. Because of her respiratory difficulties…I myself would only bet on one week. I'm positive I can talk to Lord Grantham to give you the week to be with her." He said bleakly. John's fist shook.

"Thank you, Dr. Clarkson." He said.

* * *

John then limped to Anna's bedside. She sat on the side of her bed as a few tears rolled down her cheeks. Her friend, Margaret, was not present in the bed next to Anna. He supposed that she had an appointment like them. He sat in the wooden chair angled to her bed and took her dainty hand. Anna looked up at him. John noted how the sunlight reflected the loveliness of her golden tresses, and how nice she looked in even the simplest white nightgown. A realization hit him, and he let tears flow without obstruction. She looked exactly like an angel. He began to covetously take in all of the details of her being. She looked so perfect. He cupped his hand around her porcelain cheek. Anna began to sob softly, and then John embraced her with his strong arms. "J-John" she choked out. "I'm s-sorry." He looked down to her.

"You shouldn't be sorry for anything. You're _perfect._" He gently dried her tears with his thumb.

"Please… promise me you'll carry on. Please don't get caught in a perpetual mourning." John embraced her once again, wordlessly.

"I love you so much" they said in union. Their hands remained intertwined.

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**Liked it? Hated it? Review and/or PM me to let me know! I **_**may**_** be able to get chapter 2 done by Monday, but that is just an approximate. Hope you lovelies are itching to read more!**


	3. Managing Fate

**Very Long Author's Note: Have any of you listened to the song Hospital by Lydia? It's so good. It's also part of what inspired this story. I recommend you guys hear it. **

**On another note, I feel so guilty. Guilty, guilty, guilty. I love Anna and John so much. I hate to do this to you guys. HATE it. But, please, please understand that I have to experiment with sad feelings in fanfics. So far I've done only fluffy stuff for Downton, so I wanted to try new stuff out. So I'm gonna tell you now… there isn't a fluffy ending. I'm so sorry guys. Remember, YOU CAN STILL TURN BACK AND READ FLUFFY STUFF! And also note, I'm still going to do fluffy stuff after I finish this story. By no means am I giving up fluff. Not everything I write will be sad, but I have to branch out a bit, as a new writer. Surely you guys can understand that. And, if you don't like what I'm writing right now, don't give up on me just yet. I've written a perfectly good fluff called **_**In Sickness and In Health**_**. You could check that out. I also found I cannot go a day without writing something. That's a good sign for you guys. Just please, hate the story, not me. **_**In Sickness and In Health**_** is waiting for you to read it. I'm still very sorry you guys, and I hope a few of you continue to read. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Downton Abbey, but if I did, the Dowager would have a line in every scene.**

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_**Limited Happiness**_

_**Chapter two: Managing Fate**_

Margaret woke up her usual early hour, six o' clock sharp. Once she got back from her checkup the previous day, she was keen to see Anna. She was such a nice girl, and conversations with her were very enjoyable indeed. But, when Margaret returned, Anna was already sound asleep, so they couldn't talk. Margaret decided to wait until Anna woke up, but her slumber continued into the night. Margaret was a patient woman, and she was eager to hear Anna's diagnosis. Suspense still got to her, as she hoped nothing bad would come to such a sweet girl like Anna.

After waking up at six, Margaret was disappointed to see Anna still asleep. _Surely she was just exhausted from yesterday_, Margaret thought, trying to comfort herself. _But…maybe something's wrong._ Margaret tried to shake that terrible idea from her head. But still, she waited for answers, just as a loyal friend would.

* * *

At seven sharp, Dr. Clarkson knocked sharply on the large wooden door of Downton Abbey. The door was answered politely by Carson, who seemed slightly perplexed to see him at the residence at such an early hour. Dr. Clarkson asked to see the Granthams, and Carson obliged.

Dr. Clarkson soon met all of the Granthams in their large and ornate library. "Good to see you Dr. Clarkson." Lord Grantham welcomed him. "I do hope you have news about our Anna." Dr. Clarkson looked at the Granthams in remorse. Mary and Edith sat on one couch, while Lord and Lady Grantham joined each other on the other one. Dr. Clarkson stood before them, preparing himself to tell them the bleak news.

"That is just the point, Lord Grantham. It's about Anna." He said with a serious face. Dr. Clarkson saw Mary stiffen as anticipation hung heavily in the air. "I-I regret to inform you…" he stuttered and took a breath. "That Anna was diagnosed with familial pulmonary arterial hypertension. It's a severe and rapidly lethal disease." He finished. Mary grew very pale. Lady Grantham stared at him expectantly.

"But surely there is something you can do." She questioned. "Anna _will_ get better, won't she?"

"I'm very sorry, Lady Grantham. There is _nothing_ we can do. If there was, I would have already taken action."

Lord Grantham couldn't believe what he was hearing. Their Anna, employed at only fourteen, would suddenly and horribly be leaving them? How would Bates handle this? His heart broke at the thought. Bates, once at the brink of heaven with his Anna, would suddenly have all his happiness ripped away from him? He looked over to Edith, matching her mother with eyes wide in shock, then to Mary, pale as a sheet. "D-does Bates know?" Mary choked out desperately. Dr. Clarkson nodded.

"Yes, he knows. I've also come here to ask Lord Grantham to excuse Mr. Bates for a week…" Dr. Clarkson hesitated. "To spent time with his wife in her last moments." The end came out like a whisper. Tears began to slide down Mary's whitish cheeks, as she stifled her sobs with the back of her hand. Edith looked at her with melancholy and placed a tender hand on her shoulder. Lord Grantham looked down to his feet in absolute shock and misery as he thought of Bates and Anna. Lady Grantham stared at him, fraught for more information.

"So she only has one week to live?" She questioned.

Dr. Clarkson nodded "Maybe more, maybe less." Mary's sobs grew louder at the thought of Anna living for less than a week more. Lord Grantham spoke up.

"Of course he can have a week off. Tell him to take as much time as he needs." He said drearily. Dr. Clarkson nodded.

"I can see her, can't I?" Mary asked through her sobs. She needed to see Anna, if not for the last time.

"Yes, you can see her Lady Mary." Said Dr. Clarkson. "But, I would advise against seeing her today. She and Mr. Bates have only received the news of the diagnosis yesterday. They will need time to accept what is going to happen." Mary's sobs grew louder.

* * *

After a sleepless night, John came to the hospital as soon as he could. When he rounded the corner, he expected to see Anna talking with that woman, Margaret was her name, but only saw her delicate form under her bed covers, fast asleep. Margaret saw John and greeted him nicely, saying Anna hadn't been awake since she had gotten up. John sat by her bed in a worn wooden chair and took her pallid hand in his large ones. He touched her porcelain face and brushed golden wisps of hair from it. John gently leaned in to kiss her forehead. He looked at her as her face changed to a distressed expression. "Anna?" John asked, concern building rapidly. She stirred, her hand now rubbing her chest, suggesting her chest was causing her pain. John knelt by her bed, now rubbing her back.

Anna knew she daren't open her eyes, she was too scared. She knew her eyes would open to a world that had a terrible fate waiting for her. Still, she knew John was there, and he was going to help her in her last moments. Jolts of pain in her chest seemed to be getting increasingly painful and unbearable. Anna let out a cry, eyes reluctantly but quickly fluttering open. "Anna!" John yelled. He rubbed her back as she struggled to sit up. Her breaths became uneven and began to shake. She began to breathe with great difficulty. Anna looked up to see Margaret getting a nurse. She looked to John, whose eyes were wide with worry. He started to rub her hand. The nurse and Margaret joined her bedside, shortly followed by a miserable-looking Dr. Clarkson. "Try to take deep breaths, Anna." Said Dr. Clarkson, urgency underlined his words. Taking his stethoscope, he found that Anna's heartbeats were irregular and very unstable.

Soon Anna's breathing was close to normal, and only a nurse stayed close by if anything happened. Tears streamed down Anna's face, dropping at her chin onto her blankets. Blond hair hanging in her face shielded her from seeing John's expression, though she was sure it was complete sadness and defeat. She herself shook with sheer panic and fear. Her hand was taken by John, shaking with his own sobs. Dr. Clarkson had just told them Anna might not have as much time as he thought. Not a week, but two mere days.

John looked at Anna, her hair dangling in her face as she looked down. He felt as if the very ground he was standing on was about to crumple away. His whole world was going to be torn away from him. "Anna." He choked out in between his own sobs. He grasped her hand tightly. Anna looked up in absolute sorrow.

"John…" she cried softly. "I hate to d-do this-s to you!" she shook with sobs as she fell into his arms. Her breaths were still unsteady. John, usually very stoic, wrapped his strong arms around his panic-stricken wife and wept with her.

"I would take your place in an instant." He said, kissing Anna's now rosy nose and making his way to her soft, rose-petal lips, as if it were their last time.

* * *

Mary sat in her lavish bedroom and looked at her reflection on her vanity. She scrutinized how she looked at that moment. Her eyes were terribly blood-shot, and she was dead pale. And how she missed Anna. She would give anything to have Anna better again. Then, suddenly, she heard a light knock on her door. Mary rubbed her eyes and attempted to straighten out her hair before muttering "Come in". Mary turned around to meet a dreadful-looking Edith. Her tear-stained face looked at Mary expectantly.

"Go ahead. Make fun of me." Edith said dejectedly. "I j-just wanted to be with someone who knows Anna as much as I do." She sniffled.

"Darling!" Mary exclaimed sympathetically. She wrapped Edith in a compassionate embrace. "Let's see Anna tomorrow." She put bluntly. Edith nodded, hugging Mary tighter.

"It…it just seems…" Edith began. "That she w-was the only one truly on my s-side when Anthony…" Mary loosened their hug.

"You needn't mention his name, darling." She said. Edith nodded gingerly.

"It's just…" Edith began. "There was Sybil…now Anna." She began to sob. "D-do you think we may get along better now?" Mary looked at her sister.

"I daresay… I might like that very much Edith." Mary admitted. "Very much."

* * *

Margaret watched Anna from her bedside, as alert as the nurse standing across the room. Anna looked sullen, almost like a wilted flower, sulking in defeat. Her usually neat golden hair was mussed, and her blue eyes no longer shone, but remained cloudy and distracted. Creases of stress and anxiety were present under her eyes. Even so, her lily white nightdress made her look beautiful and angelic.

Margaret had heard of the diagnosis, and nothing troubled her more. Anna was a fighter, but no one could stand up to such a dreadful illness. Night approached quickly and silently, but Anna never spoke a word. John remained beside Anna and was just as silent as her. His eyes seemed empty and defeated, an immeasurable amount of sorrow resided in them. She watched the two of them. Margaret never once saw a couple that loved each other so much. Tears still cruelly pricked her eyes when she first heard the diagnosis.

* * *

John still held Anna's cold hand. Two days. That's the amount of time Anna had left. Time seemed to run out so brutally quick. A tear rolled down his cheek as he recalled their wedding day and the magnificence of their wedding night. He recalled the exhilaration of loving his new and wonderful wife, the absolute splendor. Their promises and vows echoed in his head. For richer or for poorer, for better or for worse. John never thought he would love again after Vera, much less someone love him. He thanked God every day for blessing him with the angel that is Anna. She was perfect in every single way. John knew he didn't deserve such a flawless woman, but he was ever so glad she chose him.

Now everything seemed to be rapidly crashing down. One week maliciously cut to two diminutive days. John would now spend any and all moments with Anna. He owed it to her. She could have loved anyone, but she still chose him.

Anna stared at her shroud-like sheets. She knew in two days' time, fate would come and claim her. Her chest still hurt unbearably, causing her already short breaths to shake. She finally looked up to John. "Please…" she begged, tears starting to fill her eyes. "You will carry on, for my sake." She struggled to speak, as her chest held violent blows of pain. "I love you, John. More than you could ever know." She placed her hand on his cheek and took in the details of his face. Small, silvery tears streamed down Anna's cheeks. "I don't want to leave you, John!" she cried. John's eyes met hers. He clasped her petite hand in his steely ones. They sat in silence as they looked at each other. Anna broke the silence and began to cough softly. More tears streamed down Anna's pale face.

"Thank you for being my wife, Anna." He said as he shook in an attempt to hold back his cries. "I could never ask for more." John took her in his arms as they wept together.

* * *

**This is a day late, sorry!I feel really bad guys! I'm sorry! I still hope some of you stay with the story though.**


	4. Last Glances

**Author's Note: I'm still sorry you guys. I had no experience writing a tragedy. I love Anna and John, and I hate to do this. Please don't give up on me though. I will still write fluff, I promise.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Downton. If I did, Matthew would live forever. 3**

* * *

_**Limited Happiness**_

_**Chapter three: Last Glances**_

"Two days?" Mary cried into the telephone in disbelief. "W-what happened to a week?" She said, trying not to shake from her sobs she was struggling to keep silent. Before Mary was going to visit Anna with Edith, she went to call Dr. Clarkson to make sure everything was in order. She did not, however, prepare to hear absolutely dreadful and heart breaking news such as this.

"Well, Lady Mary," Dr. Clarkson sighed at the other end of the telephone. He did like being a doctor, but he did not, however, like bringing bad news. "Anna has had an unexpected turn. The next may be fatal." He flinched as Mary gasped. "But," Dr. Clarkson continued. "Everything is in order for your visit. Anna has today, and then tomorrow I expect will be her last day." Mary thought about Anna. Poor, poor Anna. She remembered the happiness on Anna's face as she told Mary about her marriage to Bates. Now Anna would suddenly leave from her illness. Mary didn't think it was fair. If anyone, anyone in the world, deserved to be happy, it would be them, without a doubt in Mary's mind.

"Thank you Dr. Clarkson." Mary said quietly and hung up the telephone abruptly. Mary slowly turned around, attempting to get her bearings. Her brown eyes fell upon a devastated-looking Edith. She had heard every word.

"Anna has two days?" Edith questioned desperately. Mary nodded in remorse.

* * *

John awoke at seven sharp. His back and leg ached from sleeping in the worn wooden chair, but none of that mattered. Anna was the only thing that mattered to him now. He turned his head to look at her. Her slight form lay asleep on her back, golden hair splayed out on her stiff pillow. Creases lay under her eyes, indicating she hadn't slept well either. Margaret was also awake, reading a copy of the bible. Margaret saw John looking at her, so she gently and slowly put the book down. "I'm ever so sorry this is happening to you both." She said softly. Genuine sympathy underlined her words. John noticed her eyes were red and somewhat puffy. Margaret had been crying. He had never guessed Anna and Margaret grew so close in the few days Anna spent here, though he figured there may have been aggrieved midnight conversations on Anna's diagnosis. John gave her a poor attempt at a smile. "Anna is such a sweet and nice woman." Margaret remarked. "It…it doesn't seem just." A tear slipped down her wrinkled cheek.

John looked back down to Anna as she stirred slightly. He placed a hand on her pale forehead. It was cold. Her blue eyes fluttered open hesitantly. Anna sat up with difficulty and pulled back her hair into a bun. She only looked down, not daring to glance at John. She couldn't shake the feeling that she had failed him. It was _her_ health tearing her away from John. It wasn't fair to him. She was the one thing that mattered to him. The guilt was overwhelming. Anna closed her eyes and let the tears so cruelly pricking her eyes stream smoothly down her face. "This is not fair to you, John." She said as she looked at his subdued face.

"It's not your fault, Anna." He said, holding her wrist. He looked into her eyes. "You know that." Anna only looked down, her thoughts not swayed by his words. John sighed.

"Lady Mary and Lady Edith will come soon to see you." John put bluntly. Anna still looked down. "We are to expect them at around noon."

"That's awfully nice of them." She put simply, even though the only person she wanted to see was John.

* * *

Mary and Edith sat in the automobile in utter silence. None of them had very much to say. Even so, Mary's mind was full of thoughts. _How do you say goodbye to your only friend?_ She wondered. The friendship between Mary and Anna was very strong, yet unsung. There has never really been a lady who befriended her maid. But, even so, Mary was known to bend rules.

Mary played everything over in her head, but no goodbye could ever express her sheer gratitude of having Anna by her side. Edith seemed to be in a similar state, fingers nervously tapping her knee as they rolled along. Reaching the hospital, Mary joined Edith's side as they walked to the door. Edith turned to Mary. "How do you thank someone who's done so much for us?" She thought aloud.

"Anna is the nicest and sweetest person I knew. It is hard for me to even imagine the measure of my appreciation." Mary said truthfully. "I cannot even begin to think of what I want to say."

The two continued through the door. They informed the nurse who they wanted to see and they slowly rounded the corner. She stopped at the door to look for Anna. Mary's brown eyes caught sight of her. She gasped almost inaudibly as she saw Anna's state. Anna sat upright in her bed, John clasping her hand as he leaned forward to her, without a doubt whispering words of reassurance. Anna's blond hair was pulled in an untidy bun, some hanging gently across her forehead. Her supple bottom lip trembled. Her shoulders shook in her efforts to hold back tears. This reminded Mary of the multiple times Anna tried to stay so strong. The images were the same as when John was found guilty at his trial. Mary still remembered Anna's yelp of anguish that escaped her when he was pronounced guilty. It brought Mary pain to see her only friend in such agony once again.

Mary sadly noted that Anna's breathes quivered as she shook her head at John and whispered something. John shifted in his seat, then put a shaking hand over his eyes. Anna looked down dourly. Mary still stood in the doorway, not wanting to interrupt. Edith stood behind her, head dipping forlornly. Mary took one step, her shoe tapping softly on the floor as she advanced further. John looked up to see Lady Mary, with Lady Edith not far behind her. John immediately leaned forward to stand in their presence, when Mary raised a gloved hand signaling him to stay sitting. Anna looked up her. "Lady Mary." She croaked, her soft, smooth voice shaking. Mary pulled a chair beside Anna's bedside and sat slowly, taking Anna's cold hands in her lace-gloved ones.

"Tell me Anna." Mary said, chocolate eyes filling with concern. "How are you feeling?" To this, Anna swallowed and looked down, other hand touching her blanket.

"Fine milady." She replied, looking at her blankets. Anna swallowed once again and looked up, her lip began to tremble. "It's so nice of you to see me…" She choked out, tears brimmed her eyes. "So nice." Anna blinked and a tear dropped down her cheek, followed by another.

"Darling" Edith stood next to Mary. "Of course we'd see you." Edith gave Anna a pained smile a tears pricked her own eyes.

"Are they taking care of you here?" Mary glanced around the hospital.

"Yes milady." Anna's voice cracked slightly.

* * *

A half an hour turned into three hours as Mary struggled to pull herself away from her dying friend. John had been taken by Dr. Clarkson, so the girls had Anna all to their selves. The sisters had asked Anna questions to fill the pain-stricken silence. The sisters knew they needed to get home soon, yet they couldn't leave Anna just yet. Mary looked into Anna's eyes. "I have something for you." She said, swallowing the lump in her throat. Anna shook her head.

"Lady Mary…" She started, but she was interrupted by Mary.

"I _want_ to, Anna." Mary reached into her coat pocket to reveal a small black box. She held it to Anna and she reluctantly took it from Mary's hands. Anna held it in her pale ones and glanced at the sisters before slowly opening it. Anna gasped as she was greeted by a beautiful silver necklace, with a small, simple string of diamonds hanging from it.

"Lady Mary! I…I can't-." Anna said. Mary shook her head.

"I want you to have this Anna. It was my favorite necklace and I want you to have it." Mary insisted, stubborn as usual. Anna's hand went to the clasp to put it on, but Mary stopped her. "No Anna. You have dressed me for so many years; I think I can put that necklace on for you." Mary took the necklace from her, gently putting it around Anna's lean neck. As Mary clasped the chain, Anna smiled and shook her head.

"Milady…you really don't have to…" Anna said softly.

"But I _want_ to." Mary declared. After Mary had finished with the necklace, she raked her fingers through Anna's hair, just as Anna would have tidied her own hair. Anna giggled foolishly. After she straightened out Anna's hair, Mary stepped back to inspect her work. "You look beautiful" She nodded.

Mary and Edith knew they had stayed far longer than they had told their papa, but they were positive that he wouldn't mind. "Anna" Mary said, voice shaking slightly. "I cannot tell you how grateful I am for you." A tear slid down her face. "I can tell you truly…_truly_, that you have been my only true friend… I want you to know that." Mary finished. Edith looked at Anna.

"Through all of the years you have served us, I want y-you to know that we are eternally thankful." Edith let a small sob escape her. Tears were streaming down Anna's own face as she knew this would be the last time she would see them.

"Thank you Lady Mary. Thank you Lady E-Edith" Anna choked out. Mary shook her head.

"N-no. Call us by our first names…only." Mary shook with sadness. Anna's eyes widened at the notion. Edith nodded to Anna. She only shook her head and looked down, sniffling. Mary's eyes stayed on Anna. "Please." Mary said. Anna looked up.

"T-thank you Mary… Thank-k you Edith." Tears spilled down Anna's pale cheeks. Mary and Edith smiled at her, tears visible on their faces.

"We'll never forget you, Lady Anna…" Mary said. "Never."

Mary and Edith disappeared out the doorway.

* * *

Night crept in rapidly as Anna settled into bed. John was back in his chair, arms crossed. He was struggling to keep awake. His eyes eventually slid shut and gave way to his sweet, loud snores. Tears stood still in Anna's eyes as she thought about how much she loved that snore of his. Her heart broke to think that that may be the last time she would get to hear John's snore.

Anna laid back and put her head on her lumpy pillow. She tried to close her eyes to get some sleep, but to no avail. Anna could hear Margaret's soft breathing from next to her. She was almost certain she was the only person up at this hour. Anna's prim hand wandered up to her necklace, as she felt the cold silver chain. Her fingers danced upon the fine string of diamonds. She had been so happy to see Lady Mary and Lady Edith. Anna was almost taken aback by their kindness. They had always been so good to her, and she could hear the genuine compassion in their voices.

John's chair sat so close to Anna's bed that when his arms fell from their crossed position, one hand fell upon her sheets. Anna carefully slid her own prim hand into his big, limp ones. He moved his head slightly and gave a sigh of contentment. A smile played along his ample lips as he gently squeezed her hand. A smile also came to Anna's lips as she gazed at her husband. Anna had come to a realization. Everything in her life was perfect because of him. Her eyes fluttered shut as she went to sleep with her hand in her husband's and a smile on her face.

* * *

**Reviews are welcome! Tell me if you cried reading this! God knows I cried writing this. I absolutely love the goodbyes between the Crawley sisters and Anna. So perfect! And also guys, I'm going to London for a week soon, so sit tight! I may or may not be able to post a chapter between now and then. Next chapter is Anna's last day! **


	5. Slipping Away

**Author's Note: YOU STILL CAN TURN BACK AND READ FLUFF! ****Warning****- this chapter is nothing near happy. This chapter is also a little on the short side but has a lot of important stuff. After this chapter, we have another chapter and an epilogue. This isn't over just yet!**

**** Also if you want to add super sad effects and greatly enhance a scene, then I have a suggestion. Trust me, it will be sad but cool as you read. Once you see a little * above a paragraph, then open a window to Youtube. From there, search for "full dead island trailer music". It will be the first result. Open your fanfiction window again and go back to this chapter. Let the music play as you read. Tell me what you think of that feature.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own Downton. If I did, we'd have a special Isis episode, with Isis's view of things. That'd be neat. c:**

* * *

_**Limited Happiness**_

_**Chapter 4: Slipping Away**_

Anna woke up early, far earlier than she would for her work. It wasn't six, no; it was the early hour of four. She couldn't sleep. Anna tossed and turned in her lumpy, scratchy bed, scolding herself for not sleeping later. It was then that a thought dawned on her. _How can one sleep when that very day they could die?_ Anna sat up with great difficulty. All of her joints seemed very sore, and breathing was an increasingly difficult task. Her heart seemed to fall to the pit of her stomach. Yesterday breathing had not been such a chore. What if things were to come to an end today? Anna shook the idea from her distressed mind. If this was going to be her last day, she wouldn't spend it worrying herself sick.

Anna looked about the room. Most everyone was sound asleep. Including John. It was then that Anna noticed her hand was still intertwined with his. She smiled. _That bloke didn't let my hand go._ Anna squeezed his hand before she attempted to slip her hand from his. John only gripped her hand even tighter. Anna giggled quietly, letting him keep her hand in his grasp. She turned to see Margaret, sound asleep and clutching her bible. Anna was very thankful to have such a friend to turn to in all this, next to John.

Anna then turned to her pillow, looking underneath it. She pulled out a single letter, and ran her fingers along the smooth paper of the envelope. _To my Love_ was written in delicate handwriting across the front. She quietly slipped the letter into her bag that she had brought to the hospital with her. Anna knew he would find it there.

* * *

At around six, John began to wake. He squeezed Anna's hand in his and his eyes opened to his beautiful wife. John gave her a mournful smile and sat up in the uncomfortable chair. He almost greedily took in all of her features, thumb lovingly rubbing her hand. John was ever so downcast; his stomach was in terrible knots. This was the very last day with his beloved, he felt absolutely heartbroken. Tears still brimmed in his disconsolate eyes. Anna shifted in her bed. "How is your leg?" She asked, her usually sweet, pleasant voice was hoarse, but still sweet. Anything Anna would say would sound effortlessly sweet, no matter what happened.

"My love," John responded. "My leg does not matter right now. All I care about is you." His robust but smooth voice always made Anna happy. She thought back to the both of them in their cottage. Anna would always ask John to read to her, because she found his voice ever so charming and suave.

"Well, my love, all _I _care about is you, and I know you are uncomfortable. Come, sit next to me." Anna insisted, as stubborn as ever. He obediently sat himself down next to Anna, and she rubbed John's sore leg. "Even you know better than to argue with me, John." She said. John said nothing but pressed a kiss into her hairline. Anna's hair always smelled of fresh lavender, a smell he adored and a smell he would miss so much. John placed a gentle, saccharine kiss on her delicate lips. John recalled their wedding night as he played with Anna's golden locks. The delightful splendor of loving his angel of a wife properly was unmatchable. He remembered how Anna's porcelain skin always tasted sweet, like cinnamon and honey when he would kiss her cheeks and neck. As John recalled their moments together it both made him smile and broke his heart.

He looked at Anna, sunshine spilling through the window and illuminating her face. Anna was an angel. John noticed the creases under her eyes as he caressed her cheek. Her sapphire eyes lacked the shine that they usually had. Anna's eyes remained beautiful, but were almost dull and cloudy. Her breathing had not improved in the slightest, but had gotten worse overnight. In all truth John could admit that he was petrified.

Anna's breathing began to catch, but not rasp. John slipped a loving arm across her shoulders. Anna closed her eyes and one silvery tear rolled down her cheek. She could feel her heart pound in her chest, just as it had with Lady Mary. "I love you John." She said, beginning to cough. John clasped her hand.

"And I love you, Anna. For richer or for poorer. For better or for worse." John said strongly.

* * *

Anna had gotten much worse around noon. She was sweating and her heart was pounding harshly in her chest. Anna got sudden bursts of pain in her chest, and her breathing began to falter. But she knew she had to hold on. If not stay awake a little longer. For John.

Anna ran her fingers along the string of diamonds around her neck. She glanced around the room. Margaret was in with one of the doctors, absent to give her any words of comfort. Her bible still lay on her bed. There was still a nurse stationed near the doorway for when it happened, when she left this world. Knowing she would leave Lady Mary, Lady Edith, John, and everyone else, was more heart-breaking than any words could describe. A tear rolled down Anna's face, followed by a few more. Her hands trembled as she felt her beautiful necklace. Her mouth felt terribly dry, and her breaths were weak and uneven. John then took her cold hand and listened to her breathing as he watched her. The breaths were sounded so very quiet, almost whistling as she struggled to get air. The sickening whistle reminded John of William. As William was wed to Daisy, his breaths were as weak as Anna's and whistled in the same way.

A shiver came through her body. Anna was scared. She didn't want to leave. She didn't want to leave him. She was supposed to be his. _Forever. _Anna's breaths quickened and became louder. Tears streamed down her cheeks as John looked at her, startled and petrified, and he took her hand. _She couldn't leave. Not yet._ The stationed nurse hurriedly fetched Dr. Clarkson, and they both joined Anna and John at the bedside. Dr. Clarkson bent over, trusty stethoscope at hand, and took Anna's pulse in her chest. The nurse did the same to Anna's wrist. Both made the discovery that the pulse was unstable and dangerously slow. Dr. Clarkson looked to his nurse and shook his head. The nurse retreated out of the room, and Dr. Clarkson put a warm hand on John's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Mr. Bates." He said. He too retreated slowly out of the room.

John looked at his wife, whose eyes were wide and panicked, and her breaths became even more weak but audibly ragged. Her hand in his shook violently, and her face was twisted in pain. Tears brimmed his eyes as he grasped her hand tighter, as if it would keep her from leaving him. "J-John." Anna choked out. She felt vicious, sharp blows of pain in her chest as her body stiffened slightly.

* "Anna" John said, desperation overtaking him. He knew time was running out all too quickly. "I-I want you to know." He paused to look at her. She was with him, but just barely. "I want you to know that I love you more than words can ever express. I need you to know that you made my life worth living. T-thank you, Anna. Thank you for being with me through thin and thin. For never doubting for a second. For being the strongest, finest woman to walk the earth." Anna broke out into a pain-stricken sob. "For being my wife." He exhaled, breaths shaking.

Anna was barely breathing at all. "John." She whispered. "I want you to know that you have been the noblest man I ever knew." Tears flowed freely down her face. "Thank you. For being _my_ husband." Her eye lids began to grow heavy and her breaths were inaudible. Anna's vision began to blur, but she kept her eyes open. She only focused on John's blurry but handsome face. "_I know now that I was who I was meant to be_."

John cupped her cheek as she cried, never wanting anything more than to take her agony away. Her eyes were terribly cloudy, tears spilling out of them. John could feel her small, shaking breaths on his robust hand. Anna then hastily felt around her neck. Simple movements such as that caused her indescribable pain. She then handed her necklace to John. John clutched the necklace. Lady Mary had given it to Anna when they visited, he recalled. He held the necklace and cupped her cheek once more, attempting to comfort her. He felt her small, sweet breaths against his hand once more, but they were far shorter in length than the ones a few seconds ago. Horror rushed through John's body as the small breaths ceased. Anna had stopped breathing. Anna's eyes stared blankly at John. He began to shake as he started to cry. Her hand grew brutally cold, and all color drained from her face. _She was gone. _

One last tear rolled slowly down her cheek.


	6. Without Life, Love Remains: Epilogue

**Author's Note: It's so so so so so so LATE! I'm sooo sorry! Hope this is worth the wait! **

**Okay guys, this is actually the epilogue. I feel like tying up the loose ends here and now, so this is the end. Hope you guys enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: Downton Abbey is not mine. If it was, we would have had a Baby Bates by now.**

* * *

_**Limited Happiness**_

_**Epilogue: Without Life, Love Remains**_

_One week later_

John sat on his side of the bed in the small cottage, facing the wall. John was in a complete state of dismay and depression. He kept thinking about Anna's sweet, sad last words. _I know now that I was who I was meant to be. _God, John knew she had deserved so much more than him. John was usually a very strong, stoic man, but he felt he had not said enough to Anna in her last moments. He had to pour his heart and soul out to her in a terribly short time, and he felt that he didn't do it justice. She deserved someone who could express himself to a better extent than John could. He felt a wave a guilt rush over him. He did love Anna with all his heart, that much was true. But John had the terrible feeling that he had stolen her away from a suitable spouse.

Anna had died in the hospital, holding hands with John. She had died with a small, sad smile on her face, eyes completely blank. Margaret was absolutely devastated. She never got to say goodbye to Anna. Anna's dead form lay on the bed, so beautiful, yet so morbidly still.

Anna's funeral had been two days after she left the world. Everyone, upstairs and downstairs, much to John's surprise, had attended. It was a terribly sad occasion. Everyone cried together, but John stood off to the side, with Margaret right next to him. "I'm so sorry John." Margaret said sadly. "I can't begin to imagine how painful this must be for you." She patted his arm. Anna had affected everyone's life, for the better, without a doubt. When Anna's coffin was lowered into her grave and was covered, people began to leave to go back to Downton. Lord Grantham stayed back with John, his dear friend. Lord Grantham placed a comforting hand on John's shaking shoulder, and looked into John's eyes. "I really am sorry John. I'm not saying coping will be easy, but I want you to take as much time as you need. We all will miss Anna." Robert's eyes shone sympathetically. After all, he had lost a baby and a daughter. Robert stood with John. John's face stayed stony as he stared at Anna's gravestone. This shouldn't have happened. John closed his eyes before he responded.

"I would like to make myself useful, milord. I will be able to work tomorrow." John muttered. He recognized work as an escape from his building grief for Anna.

"My dear chap, you should take a few days to catch your breath." Robert said, surprised. But the idea of being alone to think of how much he failed Anna was not an appealing one to John.

"I would like to be of _use_, milord." John asserted. Robert was taken aback, but he was on no grounds to argue. People dealt with grief in different ways. He bowed his head.

"Very well, Bates. But if there is anything you need, do not hesitate to ask. _Do not hesitate, John._"

* * *

John started work again early in the morning, accompanied by a small, black mourning band on his left forearm. He came in through the back entrance, and walked down the lonesome hallway. He reached the kitchen, where he received an assortment of surprised and sympathetic looks from his coworkers and friends. He sat at the empty table in the servant's hall, thinking that everyone must have started their duties for today. He waited for Robert's bell to ring. Daisy appeared in the doorway behind him, and walked shyly in front of him. "I am really terribly sorry this happened to you." Her small voice cracked. "We all miss Anna terribly." Silvery tears brimmed her eyes. She turned back to the kitchen hurriedly. Daisy was never one of many words, but the ones she had said meant a lot to John. Daisy was almost out the door when John quickly turned around in his seat.

"Thank you for saying that." John said bluntly, tears sparkling in his eyes. Daisy nodded smoothly and quickly and scurried back into the kitchen.

From the assortment of bells installed on the wall, Lord Grantham's bell rang harshly. John rose from his chair and made his way to Robert's room at a brisk pace. John simply got Lord Grantham dressed; there was no usual conversation between them. Lord Grantham cast a look of genuine sympathy John's way. In all truth, Robert was worried for John. Anna had been with him through thick and thin, but now who would stay by John's side? Anna would always be there, but not physically.

The rest of the day went by John like a blur. From sorting Lord Grantham's shirt collars, to choosing Lord Grantham's cufflinks for the day, nothing felt the same without Anna. O'Brien avoided him, Thomas was nowhere to be seen, and Mrs. Patmore said nothing. She didn't even open her mouth to scold Daisy, who was also silent. Mr. Carson was extremely upset; Anna had been one of his most diligent workers. He had, in fact, thought of Anna as a daughter of sorts. Mrs. Hughes seemed to be in a state much like Mr. Carson's. She too had thought of Anna as a daughter. In their eyes, Anna's kindness could never be matched.

In the upstairs, the people were just as troubled. Mary and Edith dressed themselves ever since Anna died, unable to trust anyone else to do that deed for them. Eventually they would have to accept a new maid for the task, but that day wasn't among them yet. Anna was not just a maid, but a true and genuine friend. Cora would never let her emotions be known outside of her own mind, but inside she truly felt badly for John, and she knew just how fond her girls were of Anna. Lord Grantham was still shaken for Anna's sudden death, and knew that John must be too. He told John that his offer to take days off still stands, as he himself could never begin to imagine losing Cora.

John was still secluded himself from the staff, but did talk to them. He accepted everyone's sympathy, but he would not accept any pity. He still held his head high, no matter how unbearable and painful it was. That's what Anna would want him to do. Whenever he faced a decision, John subconsciously asked himself what Anna would decide. Anna's spirit seemed to stay with him, continuing to lead him in the right direction.

Dinner was gravely silent, only interrupted by the eerie clinking for silverware and plates as the staff focused on only eating. Every time John would look up, he would meet someone's sympathetic eyes. All the looks and all the words of sympathy were exhausting to John. Yet that did not mean he was grieving less than the staff, but every bit more.

After dinner was over and John was waiting for Lord Grantham's dressing bell to ring, he slipped outside to the courtyard. John seated himself atop his usual wood crate, but painfully realized the lack of presence on the crate next to him. Anna would usually be at his side by now. He gazed up at the stars, and he ached to see Anna's face once more. He found brightest star in the dark, shadowy sky, recalling the first time Anna sat with him here at this very spot. It was the first day he arrived at Downton, sick of people giving him a hard time.

* * *

_John sat himself on a dusty crate in the courtyard, frustrated that no one would take his word when he said he could manage. He looked up at the starry sky, and the dazzling beauty made him feel slightly better. John turned as he heard light and soft footsteps growing closer to him. He turned around to see the small, kind housemaid, Anna was her name, he recalled. She smiled tenderly. "Fed up with everyone already?" she asked comically. "The first day's always the hardest. And some people here aren't the most welcoming." She strode to the crate beside him. "Mind if I join you?" She asked._

"_Not at all," John answered, giving Anna a warm smile._

"_The stars are very beautiful tonight. I always make a game out of finding the brightest one." She said, pointing up at a brilliant star. "And tonight it's that one." She offered him a smile. John smiled back at her. John began to feel a lot better just by being in Anna's presence. He had to admit, Anna looked very striking in the moonlight. But John wasn't a free man. And how could she ever fall for an old cripple like him in the first place? But, even so, John just couldn't tear his eyes away from her lovely, sweet face. There was something about this Anna, John knew. He also knew he would grow to like her very much._

* * *

John's thoughts where interrupted but some footsteps, but they were loud and heavy, much unlike Anna's. John turned around to find Thomas, taking out his cigarettes for a smoke. Thomas stood next to John, flicking open his lighter. "How are you doing?" Thomas asked while he idly lit his cigarette.

"As you'd expect." John said bluntly. He was unsure of whether or not Thomas would subject him to his merciless teasing after Anna had just died.

"Fancy a smoke? Calms the nerves." Thomas offered. John shook his head.

"I better not. Anna wouldn't like it." John answered automatically. He had the habit of smoking when he came to Downton, but smoking repulsed Anna, so he never smoked again. Thomas glanced at John, but decided not to brush on that subject. John was surprised not to be tormented, because he was such an easy target as of now. John did know Thomas wasn't all bad, and they were both grieving. Everyone at Downton was grieving.

* * *

After John dressed Lord Grantham and walked back to the cottage, it was nearly midnight. John began to dress himself for bed when his eyes fell upon Anna's bag that she had brought to the hospital where she died. The bag was on the floor on her side of the bed. Anna's necklace also lay on her nightstand. A small envelope sticking out of the bag presented itself to John. He finished dressing himself and took the envelope. With his robust fingers, John could feel a small bump in the envelope. John sat himself on the side of the bed as his fingers danced across Anna's handwriting on the front of the envelope. How he loved the way her handwriting looked so elegant. John wondered what could be inside it. He gently tore open the top and pulled out the letter inside. He began to read.

_Dearest John,_

_If you have this letter than it means I am no longer with you. I left this letter here to remind you of how much I love you. I want you to know that I love you with all my heart, don't ever forget that. I could never regret a single minute I spent with you, in good or bad circumstances. In the time you were imprisoned, I found myself counting down hours and minutes until I would see you again. When I wasn't next to you, I would find myself yearning to see your face, longing for your touch. Every moment I would spend with you would be the new happiest moment of my life._

_I would like you to do something. I want you to keep in touch with Margaret. She lives close by, and she will be very shaken up by my passing. She is older and she isn't married, and with her heart I am worried about her health. She has no family nearby and no one to care of her. I am certain you two will become friends, and it will be good for you to have someone to talk to._

_My darling, my love, I am not here, but I am not gone. I will be the sun shining upon you. On a cloudy day, I will be the soft breeze that caresses your cheek. I will be our bright star in the sky watching you. I love you and I will always be with you, don't ever forget that._

_Eternally yours,_

_Anna_

John smiled sadly as he read and reread Anna's letter multiple times. _Eternally his_. John was so glad she wrote that. Her letter made him forget all about his worries of stealing her away. He then remembered the lump in the envelope. He reached in to feel something small and metallic, with a paper pinned to it. In his palm was the gold heart-shaped pin Lady Mary had given to her when John was on trial for his life. John read the paper pinned to it.

_I received this pin when you were imprisoned. When I was feeling down or terribly sad, and you weren't next to me, I would hold this pin and think of you. I hope now you can hold it and think of me._

John took the beautiful, golden heart pin in his large palm and enclosed his fingers around it. He thought of a beautiful angel, dressed in a white gown, with golden blonde hair and sapphire eyes smiling at him, watching over him. The very thought made a smile spread across his face. He tucked the golden pin safely in a drawer and blew out the light. He slipped himself under his sheets. John would take a day off tomorrow. He had a friend to take care of. He had a friend to talk to. He would go see Margaret.

John's eyes slid shut as Anna remained in his dreams. She laughed with him, danced with him. She would always be there. With him.

_The End_


End file.
